Is Self-Regulation for Neurodivergent Adults Important?

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If you’re neurodivergent - autistic, ADHD, or a marvelous mix of both - there’s a word you’ve probably heard more times than you can count: self-regulation. It gets tossed around like it’s a quick skill you can download from an app store. But for many of us, self-regulation isn’t built-in. It’s something we’ve had to piece together, slowly and often painfully, over time.

For me, self-regulation is the ability to manage my emotional and physical state in ways that keep me functioning. It’s noticing when I’m starting to unravel and knowing how to stitch myself back together. It’s understanding my triggers, my patterns, my limits - and adjusting before I slam into a wall.

It’s rarely graceful, and it’s not always immediate. But with regulation systems in place, I navigate life with fewer shutdowns, fewer meltdowns, and more moments where I actually feel okay in my own body.

For autistic people, the stakes are higher

Dysregulation for a neurotypical person might mean snapping at someone or needing a quick walk. For me, it can mean full sensory overwhelm, a complete shutdown, days-long recovery, or losing the ability to speak. It can mean losing time - or worse, losing trust in myself.

The world is loud, fast, and wired with expectations for constant composure. Without steady regulation - through routines, stimming, downtime, or boundaries - I tip into survival mode. And survival mode is no place to build a life from.

The cost of ignoring self-regulation for neurodivergent adults

For years, I didn’t know regulation was even an option. I just endured. I’d push through meetings under flickering fluorescent lights, sit in rooms filled with overlapping conversations, overcommit socially, and then disappear because I was fried. I’d swallow discomfort until it boiled over into something unrecognizable.

When that happened, I blamed myself - not for being dysregulated, but for being “too sensitive” or “too much.”

Eventually I learned that self-regulation - for neurodivergent adults like me - isn’t about becoming less of myself. It’s about creating enough stability to stay myself, even when the world turns the volume up.

What regulation looks like for me

Regulation isn’t one-size-fits-all. Mine often includes:

• Structured transitions between tasks or environments so my brain can shift gears.

• Noise-canceling headphones. My nervous system thanks me every time.

• Solo time after social time - non-negotiable.

• Clear boundaries, even if they make others uncomfortable.

• Stimming through movement or tactile anchors that keep me grounded.

• Gentle routines that make life predictable in a protective, not boring, way.

Sometimes regulation is stepping outside for five minutes. Sometimes it’s leaving a job that drains me beyond repair. Both count.

Regulation is survival

The more I learn my own rhythms, the less I feel like I’m at war with myself. Self-regulation doesn’t just prevent breakdowns; it makes space for joy, creativity, and connection.

If you’re still figuring out what keeps you steady, keep experimenting. Try things. Abandon things. Notice what works. And never let anyone tell you it’s indulgent or optional.

For those of us wired differently, self-regulation is the foundation. It’s the difference between enduring life and actually living it.

You’re allowed to need what you need. And you’re allowed to build your life around that.

If this resonates, feel free to share it— - share your own ways of staying steady. Someone else may need your map.

 - Elle

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If you're interested in exploring more tools to help with self-regulation, I encourage you to reach out to this organization: Monotropism.org – Sensory Regulation & Autistic Wellbeing – Neurodivergent-led resource explaining sensory and emotional regulation for autistic people.

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Want to Keep Exploring?

This space is still new, but it’s already full of big questions, half-formed truths, and stories that might sound a little like yours.

If you’re curious where to go next, here are a few places to wander:

• Start Here: What Even Is Divergent Adulting?

  For those of us learning how to care for ourselves the second (or third) time around.

  
  

• What Does Neuroqueer Actually Mean?

  Musings on identity, softness, resistance, and showing up queerly diverse in spaces that weren’t built for us.

  
  

• The Neuroqueer Life Map Quickstart (free download)

  A gentle, self-paced journal for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, queer or otherwise neurodivergent humans who are ready to unmask, unlearn, and rewrite their story from the inside out.

Or, if you just want to be here quietly. No pressure. No performance.

I love that you’re here.

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