Can there be Freedom in Neurodivergent & AuDHD Routines?

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If you’re autistic, have ADHD, or both (like me), routines can be confusing territory. Autistic wiring craves predictability and rhythm. ADHD wiring resists repetition and needs novelty to stay engaged.

When you're navigating life with AuDHD, it’s easy to feel pulled in opposite directions - craving structure one minute and rebelling against it the next. For a long time, I thought I was just bad at routines.

Turns out, I was just building the wrong ones.

My autistic side craves routine

My autistic wiring loves rhythm and familiarity. Predictability soothes my nervous system. I find deep comfort in doing things the same way - breakfast, skincare, even how I load the dishwasher.

When my days have structure, I feel safer in my body. My thoughts settle. My capacity increases. Routine isn’t just helpful - it’s protective.

My ADHD brain craves change

But then there’s the ADHD part of me - the part wired for novelty, play, and rapid shifts. That cozy routine I built? By day four, it can feel like a script I’ve been forced to memorize.

If I try to stick to it too tightly, I get irritable or shut down. If I abandon it entirely, I spiral. It’s not failure. It’s friction between two very real needs.

Walking the AuDHD tightrope

Living with both autism and ADHD means living in paradox. Some days I want minute-by-minute structure. Other days, even a to-do list feels suffocating. I used to think this meant I was inconsistent.

Now I know I just needed a different kind of routine - one that flexes with my brain instead of breaking under it.

What finally started to work

The shift came when I stopped thinking in terms of schedules and started building rituals. Here’s the type of AuDHD routines that worked for me:

• Event-based anchors: Not “yoga at 8:00,” but “I stretch after I make tea.”

• Menus, not mandates: I give myself options - journaling, walking, or music.

• Sensory cues: Lighting a candle tells my brain it’s focus time.

• Built-in flexibility: I plan for low-energy days. I let routines breathe.

• Celebrate small wins: I track what I did, not what I skipped.

This is structure for me, not against me.

Real freedom isn't a free-for-all

For a long time, I thought freedom meant doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But too much openness? That overwhelms me.

What I needed was a rhythm that lets my autistic side feel secure and my ADHD side feel alive. A pattern I can return to - but never feel imprisoned by.

The path forward

I don’t need to master routine. I need to co-create one with my brain. One that offers both grounding and wiggle room. One that adapts with me instead of collapsing the moment I don’t follow it perfectly.

If you’re living with AuDHD, I hope this gives you permission to stop fighting your brain - and start building with it.

You deserve rituals that feel like home.

--Elle

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Want to keep exploring beyond AuDHD routines?

This space is still new, but it’s already full of big questions, half-formed truths, and stories that might sound a little like yours.

If you’re curious where to go next, here are a few places to wander:

• Start Here: What Even Is Divergent Adulting?

  For those of us learning how to care for ourselves the second (or third) time around.

  
  

• What Does Neuroqueer Actually Mean?

  Musings on identity, softness, resistance, and showing up queerly diverse in spaces that weren’t built for us.

  
  

• The Neuroqueer Life Map Quickstart (free download)

  A gentle, self-paced journal for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, queer or otherwise neurodivergent humans who are ready to unmask, unlearn, and rewrite their story from the inside out.

Or, if you just want to be here quietly, you can join the list and I’ll send new things your way when they’re ready. No pressure. No performance.

I love that you’re here.

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