Why is the Neuroqueer Cultural Conversation so Tense?

Part 4 of the Neuroqueer Series

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We’ve defined the term, traced its roots, and explored what it looks like in everyday life. But here’s the thing: neuroqueer doesn’t always land softly.

It confuses people. It sparks arguments. It inspires essays, tattoos, and occasionally, dramatic eye-rolls. And honestly? That’s not a bug - it’s a feature.

So why does neuroqueer make people squirm? I have thoughts.

It’s messy by design

And that can feel threatening

One of the most common critiques of the term is that it’s too vague or too fluid.

“What does it really mean?” people ask.

“Can anyone just call themselves that?”

And the answer is… yes. And no. And a whole lot more complicated than that.

This was never a word meant to be pinned down. It resists tidy definitions, common branding strategies, and institutional approval. It changes depending on who’s holding it - and how. That slipperiness? It’s part of what makes it alive.

It calls out the cracks in “inclusive” spaces

Especially when inclusion comes with conditions

Not all queer spaces are welcoming to neurodivergent people. And not all neurodivergent spaces feel safe for queer folks. Many of us have quietly twisted ourselves to be “just queer enough” or “just ND enough” to belong.

Neuroqueer shines a light on that tension.

It asks:

• Why are social rules still so rigid in progressive spaces?

• Who’s being centered - and who’s being asked to contort themselves?

• Why does “inclusive” often mean “as long as you play by our rules”?

For those invested in harmonious group identity, these questions can feel disruptive. But for the rest of us? It’s a relief. Neuroqueer says: you don’t have to fracture yourself to fit.

It’s getting trendy

And that comes with growing pains.

Neuroqueer has entered the zeitgeist. It’s on TikTok, in bios, on zines and sticker packs. And in some ways, that’s beautiful. Visibility matters.

But visibility also invites flattening.

The more widely a term spreads, the more it risks being aestheticized or detached from its roots. Sometimes it becomes a vibe instead of a verb. Sometimes it’s used without context, stripped of the resistance it was meant to carry.

This isn’t about gatekeeping. It’s about honoring origin. Neuroqueer was born from lived contradiction, not content marketing. If we’re going to carry it forward, we do it with care.

It disrupts the “unified ND identity” aesthetic

And not everyone likes that

Let’s name it: there’s a cozy, codified version of neurodivergence floating around - pastel infographics, soft fonts, gentle vibes, big feelings, tea, naps.

Neuroqueer often doesn’t fit that mold.

We stim in public. We interrupt. Our genders shift. Our lives don’t fit mood boards. We’re not trying to make neurodivergence more comfortable for neurotypicals - or more marketable to neurodivergent influencers.

We’re not here to make branding easier.

We’re here to make truth louder.

It holds up a mirror

And some people flinch

Neuroqueer isn’t just a word. It’s a lens. A challenge. A disruption.

It asks:

• Where am I still performing for approval?

• Who benefits when I stay silent?

• What am I afraid will happen if I show up as my full self?

These are destabilizing questions. And for those still clinging to respectability - even within marginalized spaces - they can feel like an attack.

But often, the tension isn’t really about the word.

It’s about what the word reflects back.

So where does that leave us?

This isn’t about being right

It’s about being real

Neuroqueer wasn’t meant to be a final answer. It was meant to crack open possibility. To give shape to the experience of living between - between genders, between diagnoses, between expectations and survival.

If the word makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay. If it sparks critique, let’s talk about it. But let’s not pretend that comfort was ever the goal.

This word makes space for contradiction.

For wholeness.

For those who never saw themselves in any box - so they redrew the page instead.

-Elle

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The Neuroqueer Series

This series isn’t here to hand you a single definition - it’s here to offer multiple doorways, so you can step through the ones that feel most alive for you.

• Part 1: Neuroqueer Meaning: More Than Just a Word - is neuroqueer an identity? A practice? A theory? A vibe? The short answer is yes. That’s part of its magic.

• Part 2: The History of Neuroqueer - how queer theory, disability studies, and the neurodiversity paradigm braided together to create the term, and how it has evolved since Nick Walker first introduced it.

• Part 3: Neuroqueering as Practice - bringing theory into the texture of daily life: relationships, creative work, language, masking and unmasking, and all the subtle, radical acts that make up living neuroqueer.

• Part 4: The Neuroqueer Cultural Conversation - looking at the excitement, critiques, misunderstandings, and what’s at stake when communities embrace - or reject - this language.

• Part 5: Neuroqueer Futures - imagining the worlds we could build when we let queerness and neurodivergence fully shape our communities, our care, and our creative work.

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Want to keep exploring beyond neuroqueer cultural conversations?

This space is still new, but it’s already full of big questions, half-formed truths, and stories that might sound a little like yours.

If you’re curious where to go next, here are a few places to wander:

• Safety Nets I've Stitched for Myself: Why Autistic Safety Systems Matter

  For me, safety is about understanding how easily the world can misread me, how quickly my own brain can work against me if I push too hard, and how I’ve had to become both my own advocate and my own accommodation just to navigate the supposedly “ordinary” parts of life.

  
  

• When Narcissists Target Neurodivergent People

  Being tangled up with someone who twists your words, rewrites your memories, and makes you doubt what’s real is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse of neurodivergent people - and you are not imagining it.

  
  

• The Queer Neurodivergent Life Map Quickstart (free download)

  A gentle, self-paced journal for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, queer or otherwise neurodivergent women who are ready to unmask, unlearn, and rewrite their story from the inside out.

Or, if you just want to be here quietly, you can join the list and I’ll send new things your way when they’re ready. No pressure. No performance.

I love that you’re here.